D#10, HW#5 - Revised Paragraphs x2 more...

The first paragraph I worked with is my second paragraph for my WP# 3. I added signal phrases and transition phrases to allow the content to flow more smoothly. I ensured that I included in-text citation as well as the APA style bibliography at the bottom. I also introduced or summarized the point for each sentence that contained a source citing. This paragraph is stronger because it is more accurate with credible and authoritative information. It also shows my line of reasoning why these sources are important to the topic.

Through further educational exposure or experience, some politicians and organizations have assisted youths on their quest to lower the voting age and receiving education they may otherwise not have had the opportunity. For example, providing an educational experience, Councilwoman Valerie Ervin demonstrated her belief in youths by hiring two teenagers to run her campaign (Aratani, 2006). She gave two high school students an opportunity to experience first hand what’s required in getting voters to the polls. Another example, Sen. John Vasconcellos, surrounded by teenage supporters, introduced the concept of lowering the voting age to 14 in California during a news conference, supplying an educational exposure to the legislation process. According to Senator John Vasconcellos: “To not let them have a say in what affects their lives seems to me to be not very typically American” (Bailey, 2004). Granted, the proposal was met with strong opposition by Senator Ross Johnson (R- Irvine) who stated, “To waste taxpayer money having children cast votes would be ridiculous at any time…” (Bailey, 2004) Also, disagreeing with lowering the voting age in California because the proposal called for counting teenager votes in quarter or half measures, is the president of the Center for Governmental Studies in Los Angeles, Bob Stern who said “So you're a quarter person? Or a half? Either you give the vote to them or you don't. I just wonder how big an outcry there is for this" (Bailey, 2004)."

Aratani, L. (2006, November 4). Teens Too Young to Vote Blaze a Campaign Trail; Ervin Applauds Students' Political Acumen. The Washington Post. Retrieved July 15, 2007 from ProQuest database.

Bailey, E. (2004, March 9). The State; Giving New Meaning to 'Youth Vote'. The Los Angeles Times. Retrieved on July 16, 2007 from ProQuest Database.


The following paragraph was originally intended to be included in the above paragraph. However, due to the length of each section, I decided to separate the paragraphs and emphasize the importance of each one. I followed the same guidelines as above, ensuring in-text citation was included; introduced or summarized why each reference is important to the topic; and included the bibliography at the bottom.

In addition, organizations such as Kids Voting USA (KVUSA, 2007) and National Youth Rights Association (NYRA, 2007) have contributed immensely to the current awareness on educational importance and youth activism in Arizona, as well as across the nation. These two groups promote awareness, education and information on how to be a better citizen by becoming involved in civics. For instance, KVUSA develops curriculum that is currently used in schools across the nation to educate students on civics (KVUSA, 2007). Also, NYRA recently assisted in defeating a Washington, DC emergency legislation proposing to implement an earlier curfew for teenagers (Clark, 2007). Although this does not directly relate to teenage voting, it does show that NYRA (a youth based organization) is actively participating in communities.

Clark, A. (2007, June 22). Emergency Legislation, D.C. Council rejects earlier youth curfew. Washington Post. Pg B04. Retrieved July 11, 2007 from http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2007/06/21/AR2007062101356.html.

KVUSA. (2007). About Us. Kids Voting USA. Retrieved on July 10, 2007 from http://www.kidsvotingusa.org/page9592.cfm.

NYRA. (2007). Lowering the voting age. National Youth Rights Association. Retrieved July 10, 2007 from http://www.youthrights.org/votingage.php.